The Great Mailbox Challenge. Level – Expert!
Before we knew it the good old days of sleeping in until 8am, pottering around the house at our own pace and finding interesting places to visit in our new town were over. We had gone from being people of leisure to officially busy in the blink of an eye and it was a shock to the system! Looking back, we realised we never had taken full advantage of the times when we had no responsibilities and the only baggage, was the two suitcases carrying our worldly belongings.
During those days worry about being able to find a home, fitting in, finding employment and our fast-depleting savings would often take centre stage, we spent more time thinking about what might come instead of making the most of the here and now, we didn’t appreciate those carefree days that we now longed for. But there was no time for us to regret not living it up while we had the chance because we had a million and one things on the to do list and it was growing steadily by the day.
Canada was continuing to surprise us in amazing ways (scenery, climate, people) awful ways (bugs, parasites like Deer fly, ticks, and roofing contractors) and we can now add weird ways to that inventory! Would it surprise you to know that there is such a thing as Mailbox Police in Canada? Well, it surprised the heck out of us when we got an official letter from Canadian Post stating that our mailbox had been inspected and found to be lacking.
According to the Mailbox Police (probably not their official title but we will go with it for now) our mailbox did not display the property number correctly so that it was clearly visible from both sides of the road contrary to Section F, sub-section A, point 2 of the Mail Box Construction and Accessibility Act (yep, I made that up but I am sure some such act exists somewhere) but it was also contravening Section B, sub-section S, point 10 for said Act for quote “being wobbly” and therefore causing our Mail Delivery person to be in fear of their safety should our unstable mailbox fall and seriously maim them if not cause a fatality.
The Mailbox Police were laying down the law and if we did not correct these issues within 10 days our mail delivery service would be withdrawn. We had been served! In all honesty we found it difficult to be offended and embarrassed by the fact that we had been issued a warning notice over our mailbox of all things, because it was indeed a bit on the rickety side. It was ridiculously small resulting in most of our parcels being sent back to the depot for us to collect and the house numbers were small and a bit dog-eared. In fact, the more we thought about it the more we accepted it for what it was … an opportunity to build the best mailbox on the whole damn road. Canada Post your challenge has been accepted!
Success comes when we stretch to the challenges of life. Failure comes when we shrink from them.
All other minor projects such as renovating the workshop so that we could run our own business and earn money were immediately side-lined, the gauntlet had been thrown and operation Mailbox was now priority number one. Even though we were under a tight deadline we didn’t let the pressure get to us, we were professionals. We researched assorted styles, shapes and sizes and developed intricate designs that were not only aesthetically pleasing but complied with every act and section in the Mailbox Construction & Accessibility Act. Not to mention that our new Mailbox was going to be big enough to double up as a carport.
The extra-large metal mailbox which we had ordered from the good old U.S. of A especially for this important project arrived within days, so we headed out to the local hardware store to source nothing but the finest materials for what was going to be an epic post upon which our mailbox would sit. We now had everything we needed to implement our mailbox grand design.
We were so excited to start construction that we were up before the sparrows even had time to think about farting, with our work clothes on we were geared up and ready to start the task of bringing all of the materials required to construct the mailbox and every single tool in the entire house, shed and workshop (according to Martin you can never have too many tools on hand, just in case!) to the location where the mail box was going to be situated.
Not only were we building a completely new post and attaching a new box but we were re-locating the mail box from its original position of outside our next-door neighbour’s house a mere 50 metres up the road (don’t ask me why it was located there, we still can’t work that one out) to the bottom of our driveway which made far more sense and required a lot less walking.
Now you might think that the construction of a mailbox would be quite a simple task and that we would be done by lunch time, but when you are working with Martin you learn quickly to work to the Martin Carroll rule of time where twenty minutes equates to two hours. So, I was fully prepared to be in it for the long haul, this mailbox was going to be epic in both its construction and the time it would take to make it.
It didnt take us long to remove the old mail box from its original location (one swift kick that even Mr Miyagi would be proud of it did the trick) and with that done we set to work digging the post hole, we had even purchased an auger in preparation for this part of the task, we might actually be finished by lunch after all!
Our optimism was short lived when having found the ideal spot to put our post we started the auger and then nearly had our arms ripped from their sockets when we hit rock and stone within a few short minutes. Fudge cakes!! For the next hour we began the process of digging out rocks with a small garden spade, then using the auger again until we hit more rocks and stones forcing us back to using the spade and so this went on until our post hole had reached the required depth, we were exhausted, and our arms had stopped working.
Now began the measuring and measuring… and measuring again (just to confirm that the measurements were the same as the first two times we measured) but this post and its supports had to be right, we had a point to prove after all! Then began the cutting and the re-cutting to get every piece of wood just so. With all the separate parts ready we assembled them together and stood back to admire the masterpiece we had created! We had done an excellent job even if we did say so ourselves. But there was no time to rest on our laurels because we needed to sink the post in the hole, the hole had to be filled and then the mailbox attached.
Martin picked up the post which was quite large now that all the supports had been attached and we discussed what position it should be sunk in, he got a bit carried away while gesticulating with the post in his hands and in true Laurel & Hardy fashion spun the post around and proceeded to accidently (so he tells me) whack me in the eye with it. I found myself having a newfound sympathy for the Canadian postal workers, they were right to be concerned because mailboxes were quite dangerous.
After severall minutes of Martin saying “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it” and “let me have look” and me saying “Feck, feck, feck that hurt” and “Just give me a minute” I finally plucked up the courage to remove my hand from the injured eye fully expecting my hand to be covered in blood and my eye to be hanging out of its socket (exaggeration for dramatic affect) but it would appear that I have a head as hard as the rocks we had dug out of the hole! But I did not escape unscathed. My eye did sustain a minor injury due to Martin’s “accidental” battery! Even with a cut, marble sized lump forming, and bruising on my eye I soldiered on, and we got back to work, only this time I did it from a very safe distance of at least ten metres away.
With the post sunk in its hole, and the hole filled in it was time to attach the final addition which was the metal mailbox. The best part of the day, blood, sweat and tears (mostly mine) had gone into the construction of the object of beauty that was our new mailbox, it was a proud moment and with my injury forgiven and forgotten (not likely, I’ve still got years of mileage in that one!) we made our way indoors for a well-earned beer.
As satisfying as the planning and construction of the mailbox was, the decisive moment would be when the Mailbox Police arrived on day ten of the deadline to carry out their inspection. When that day arrived, we stood with cups of coffee in our hands gazing out the window at our beautiful new mailbox anxious for the show to begin. Before long, a vehicle with an amber flashing light on top and doors emblazoned with Canada Post arrived and the inspector got out. She walked around the mailbox, opened the mailbox door, and closed it and then proceeded to take multiple photos of it with her phone before getting back in her vehicle and driving off.
Perplexed and a little disappointed that the inspector didn’t knock on our door and congratulate us on our handy work we went back to pottering in the house only to see the inspector’s vehicle and another Canada Post vehicle pull up to the mailbox a mere ten minutes later. Both occupants got out and began another inspection, again taking photos as they examined the mailbox inside and out.
At this point we were starting to get nervous, had we missed something, were our proportions off, had we situated it on the wrong side of the road? Unable to stand the suspense any longer Martin decided to tackle them head on while I cowered indoors fearing the worst and dreading the shame that would follow once the neighbours found out we were mailbox criminals. Martin was gone for quite some time, but I watched avidly through the window, encouraged by the smiles that I could see as I waited for them to drive off and Martin to come back in the house.
Like an over excited toddler I clammered to find out the verdict before Martin even had a chance to step inside the door. With a justifiably smug grin on his face Martin told me how in awe the inspectors were over our mailbox! Not only had they loved it, appreciating its location and the dimensions that would allow easy access for the postal worker and the ability to deliver larger parcels, but they even went as far as saying it was the best mailbox, they had seen hence all the pictures so that they could show the rest of the depot.
It was such a satisfying feeling; our work here was done! Team Carroll 1, Canada Post 0! We gave each other a well-earned pat on the back, figuratively speaking of course, I was still giving Martin a wide berth after the eye incident.