Fowl Play is Afoot

There will be an eggstraodinary amount of chicken references in this post I make no apologies for it so consider yourself warned! So, after consuming our Lean Cuisine microwave meals and before the left over Sweet & Sour sauce had a chance to congeal, we received an urgent call from our Lawyer in NZ.

Our buyer was showing signs of chickening out and looked like he was contemplating flying the coop. With the settlement imminent the buyer’s lawyers had sent notification to our lawyer informing us of issues that needed ‘rectification’ before the settlement would go ahead.

This was awful news and had us shaking our fists at the universe and shouting “come on, give us a damn break.” At times we felt like we just could not wing for losing! If the microwave meals were not sitting in our stomachs like a lead balloon before that point they certainly were now, our lawyer dutifully emailed the letter from the buyer’s lawyer through to us so we could read it and weep, laugh and shout like lunatics at the stupidity of some of the issues, I mean we were due to settle imminently (have I mentioned that already?) were they out of the clucking minds?

Life does not get easier or more forgiving, we get stronger and more resilient.

The lawyers letter detailed the following.

Issue 1 – The buyer had now decided that he no longer wanted the chickens! Eggcuse me! Firstly, why are we only finding out this nugget of information now? We sold the property in October the previous year, the buyer had well over two months to notify us of his change of plans. Secondly, what were we supposed to do about it from Canada? It was not like we could just hop on a plane and fly to NZ to re-home the chickens or re-list and re-sell the house if the sale fell through.

Issue 2 – The buyer wanted the chicken coop professionally cleaned out, he was not happy that it had straw, dust, and chicken poop in it (I swear to goodness that I am not making this up), what the actual cluck! It is a chicken coop for heaven’s sake, they do not come with beds and blankets, or flushing toilets and the chickens do not dust or vacuum for that matter.

Issue 3 – The buyer wanted the property professionally cleaned, our lovely Real Estate Agent had been up to the property and had confirmed that it was just as immaculate as when we had left but according to the buyer it had been unoccupied for weeks and therefore required a professional clean.

Issue 4 – There were ants in the garage… seriously, I am not yolking. They were obviously worried that the entire property was in danger of being dragged into the enormous ants nest it had been built upon, okay I am being a little bit facetious here but come on!

Issue 5 – We had removed the wireless alarm system included in the chattels. We had taken down the alarm system years ago deeming it pointless due to the length of time it would take emergency services to get out to the property, seriously if the house were burgled it would be cleaned out and the thieves would be sipping cocktails on some beautiful beach by the time the Police could arrive. So, we had put it away in the cupboard which is where it had been at the time of the viewings, Jenn had even shown the buyer at the time of viewing.

It was clearly noted in the chattels that the alarm system had not been in use, was in a cupboard and merely required batteries to make it operable but the buyer was adamant he had seen the alarm system in place in the house when he conducted the viewing and that we had deliberately removed it (by this point my eyes had rolled so far into the back of my head I could hear them knocking on my skull).

So, in an eggshell the buyer wanted the chickens gone, the coop cleaned, the ants eradicated from the garden, the house re-cleaned, and the alarm systems re-installed and the plot chickens because the buyer wanted us to pay $3,000 for the privilege. Surely the buyer was a comedi-hen? They were clearly trying to pull the feathers over our eyes!

Simple things become complicated when you expect too much.

All credit to our lawyer who had already given short shrift to the buyer’s lawyer regarding the minor and more ridiculous of the issues, we conceded that we would pay the buyer $200 to get the coop ‘cleaned’ and if that were not satisfactory, he could set fire to it (those were our lawyers words), but the fate of the chickens truly worried us.

We may have mentioned in a previous post just how amazing our Real Estate Agent Jenny is and this was no eggception, Jenn was all in with us, through chick and thin and she was going to get this settlement over the line. Jenn did not miss a chick, and I mean that in the literal sense of the word because luckily Jenn had a neighbour who was looking for chickens!

With little more we could do at that time of night we had to leave it in Jenn’s capable hands, but it did not make for a restful night’s sleep, like I said in the last post, we should have bought antacids from the convenience store too!

As the deadline approached Jenn and her neighbour took a trip to the coop at dusk and successfully wrangled seventeen chickens into boxes (why am I thinking KFC as I type this) and transported them to their new rural for-feather home where they settled in well, Jenn sees them often as they wander into her garden to scratch around the undergrowth for tasty morsels.

By the following morning and on a wing and a prayer (okay I am laying it on a bit chick with the chicken references now) the house settlement finally completed. Jenn had saved the day as well as the chickens. Puns and eggsaggeration aside we found the whole settlement debacle highly stressful especially being so far away, we had never felt so powerless.

Best friends make the good times better, and the tough times easier.

Reading between the lines our buyer a city dweller had realised at the final walk around before settlement that he had bitten off more than he could chew by buying a 31-acre property in the wop wops. You must do the research and know what you are getting into with a rural property, you cannot just wing it.

Rural properties by their nature come with ants amongst other creepy crawlies or flying bugs, not to mention the rats and mice (that would be a pleasant surprise for them). Rural properties are also generally surrounded copious amounts of poop whether it be cow, bird, possum, sheep and even Kiwi if you are lucky, it is an adjustment, but you get accustomed to it and come to appreciate that it is part of country living.

But for us the storm had passed, the settlement had gone through, and we had awoken to a new day in the Big Axe and bright blue skies. It was time to start the second part of our road trip, today we were heading to Halifax.